Embracing your Weirdness

I recently discovered I could copy my old Blogger Blog into this one. I’ve been reading back through my posts back to 2005 and I find if so interesting to see what I thought and felt at the time as well as what I thought about he future.

My writing style hasn’t changed much, maybe because I don’t get to write as much as I’d like to.

So what’s changed since 2005?

I hadn’t even graduated when I wrote my first post. I graduated later that year and had many adventures before settling down – first with a job, then with my partner, got married, bought a house, had a child. I wouldn’t say grown up because I don’t feel any older. I still have fun and now with a child I have an excuse again!

I wrote my first post on my old desktop computer that is still chugging along but now only used for my Nan to play solitaire on. It was great for its time but now just looks aged with its massive tower and CRT monitor. My first memory stick was 256MB. i now own more than one 8GB stick. We are now in the age of tablets and smartphones and computers with more memory and processing power than those that went to the moon.

I still want to write more but lots if ideas just get stuck in my head while I mull them over and then the moment has passed. There is so much more I want to say. If only I wasn’t too busy enjoying my life to say it.

Photo of Earthrise courtesy of the astronauts of the Apollo Space Program and NASA

Two nights ago I had the fortune to see a total lunar eclipse. It was quite amazing. There is something about the moon, our silent neighbour on our journey round and round the sun. The moon has that magic quality to it. Since the early days it has captured the imagination of scientists and philosophers, writers and dreamers. Humans went there but have yet to go back but we are still innately curious about its origins and the adventure that its exploration presents. One of the most stunning views from the entire moon programme is the one I’ve included here. Not man walking on the moon, but man looking back at the Earth. The world is bigger than any one person, and yet from our nearest neighbour it looks so small and so far away.

But in all of creation this place is really quite special. The position of the Earth and its transit around the sun and the position of its moon are such that the Earth can on occasions block all the light that reflects off the moon. And on the converse (and more rare and less magical) the same is true when there is a total solar eclipse. That with all the distances and space involved it is possible for that to happen.

That eclipse was something special though. I was lucky enough to be up on Exmoor where the night sky is the blackest I’ve ever seen. It was a perfectly clear, completely silent and still. I’d almost forgotten what dark nights could look like – you see stars and constellations that are never visible in towns. The moon gradually waned until all that was left was a red silhouette against the blackness of the night sky floating amidst a sea of stars.

And a lone animal howled against the silence of the night.

It was quite marvellous to behold.

The dreamer in me didn’t know quite what to say.

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool

Opening: I have a message/ Come to Minbar – Babylon 5 Sleeping in Light Soundtrack

Waking Up: Keep on Moving – 5ive

Falling in Love: Have You Ever – S Club

Fight Song: Bring the House down – S Club

Breaking Up: Ticket to Ride – The Beatles

Prom: The Bear Necessities – From the Jungle Book

Life is Good: Design for Life – Manic Street Preachers

Mental Breakdown: Shiny Happy People – REM

Driving: Could it be Magic – Take That

Flashback: Counting Down the Days – Natalie Imbruglia

Getting Back Together: From me to you – The Beatles

Wedding: It’s the way you make me feel – Steps

Paying the Dues: Three Lions – Baddiel & Skinner and the Lightning Seeds

The Night Before the War: Unbreak my Heart – Toni Braxton

Final Battle: Music to Watch Girls By – Andy Williams

Moment of Triumph: The Closest Thing to Crazy – Katie Melua

Death Scene: You are all I have – Snow Patrol

Funeral Song: You’ve got a friend – Andy Williams

End Credits: Sugar Sugar – The Archies

There is something about music. Its got something that I think speaks to us all in different ways. I go through phases of listening to lots of music then listening to none (although the iPod has made those phases occur more often). I quite often just listen to music on shuffle andI find it amazing the different things I think about and the things I remember as I listen. Some songs take me back to my childhood, some draw my thoughts to the future, and some help ground me firmly in the present. I think music is intrinsically linked to our memories, our hopes and our dreams.

After all what are we without hopes, dreams, and memories?

Since the early philosophers, we have been seeking out the answer to life (the universe and everything). There have been a great many answers, and much discourse. In giving the answer ‘42‘ Douglas Adams had it right. We don’t even know the question. But we are no closer to the ‘big’ answers. As humans we are all unique, and we are all different. History has demonstrated that there can never be ‘one’ answer to anything. So why try? Maybe, just maybe, its not all about the big answers. Perhaps it was never supposed to be.

I think the meaning of life is down to each individual. We are all searching for our own purpose, our own meaning of life. We make choices and decisions every day in our own personal quest for ‘the’ answer. Our unique answer. Its the decisions we make every day – big and small. And its all ours.

The answer may have been there all along. We just didn’t ask the right question.

I’m not the sort of person who likes to lose control. I never have been. I like to know what has happened, what is happening, and what will happen. I’m one of those people who would love to be able to see into the future. If time travel were to become a reality, I don’t think I’d be able to resist the temptation.

Where was I? Oh yes. Control.

I have no control at the moment. Everything in my life seems to be spiraling away from my grasp.

Remember the magic of Christmas as a child? I do.

Before I went to bed we would put out a mince pie and a glass of wine for Santa, and sometimes even a carrot for the reindeer. I would be so excited I could barely sleep, and maybe only slept for a few hours, sometimes with considerable bribery from mum and dad.

Christmas morning was magical. It may not have been a white Christmas, but the presents under the tree affirmed my faith that there really was a Santa Claus, and that I was special enough for him to visit. There were always things that remained the same, year on year. Always an orange in my Stocking, the glass of wine would be drunk, only crumbs remaining of the mince pie.

For many years Christmas was a day of fun. Playing with toys, building Lego, eating Christmas dinner, watching all those old movies that are on year after year. Christmas was a time of family, a time of fun, and a time of magic.

And what has Christmas become?

The Christmas season begins earlier and earlier each year. Barely are the ‘back to school’ goods off the shelves, then the Christmas trees and musical Santa’s are there to taunt us at every turn. It is not uncommon to see Witches broomsticks alongside Snowmen. Towns turn their Christmas lights on as early as November.

This is not because there is a desire to extend the magic, or for any other sentimental reason. Christmas has become a retail enterprise. It begins earlier only so that the unsuspecting consumer spends more. Parents who cannot afford the long build up to Christmas are made to feel guilty that they cannot provide what little Johnny wants and all his friends are going to get.

Santa is no longer cool. His credibility is lost at a much younger age than in Christmas past. Where Children as old as ten used to still believe, the loss of innocence happens during the early years of Primary Education. Children would rather be in the real world it would seem. The guise of Santa is simply flaunted as another way for the retail industry to make money.

The Nativity story is barely known. Children are as likely to learn about Hanukkah as any other festival. (Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for teaching other religions, but the traditionalist in me believes that at Christmas the story of Christmas should be taught.)

So if the story is lost, the meaning is lost. And we have a generation of children growing up believing that the true purpose of Christmas is material gain. Not magic, not family, not much of anything really.

So if the magic is gone. What now?

I’ll admit I’m struggling with Christmas this year. I really am. I have yet to write cards. I have bought only essential gifts. And as you can see, I have become more than a little cynical about the whole thing.

There isn’t anything I can do to change the way the world is approaching Christmas. I think maybe I need to rediscover the meaning of Christmas. I know I can never go back to the magic of my childhood Christmases, but perhaps there is a way to make my own magic now.

We’ll see.

… but sometimes it would be nice.

Making decisions almost always sucks.

Perspective [noun]… 3. Mental view of relative importance of things.

We often talk of ‘putting things in perspective’ What we mean is taking a step back and looking at our situation in a more objective manner, to try and see what is really important. The idea is we will step beyond the ‘now’, count our blessings and realise we were worried about nothing in the first place.

Yeah. That’s the theory. You just try putting that into practice.

The truth is we don’t need perspective. We need perception.

Perception [noun]…art or faculty of perceiving.

Perceive [verb] 1. Become aware of ones senses. 2. Apprehend. Understand.

Our individual perceptions of the world around us shape the reality we experience. We are coloured by our life experiences, attitudes and values, and we essentially make up our reality as we go along. It’s the joy of being an individual. And the curse.

We all say we need to get ‘some perspective’. But we don’t need to step back and see the world more objectively. Why try and see the world objectively? No one really does. Maybe what we need to do instead is change our perception, or at least try to perceive the world through someone else’s eyes. We all have our own reality after all.

So if we try and understand another person’s perception, we will understand their reality a bit better. And that may be all the perspective we need.

I’m in one of those weeks that never seems to end. How is it that there is a direct correlation between how crappy you feel and how slow time passes. Why can’t time slow down when life is good and speed past the not so good bits?

It’s like driving in fog. No matter how far you go, you never seem to come out of it. You may think the fog has lifted but its just an illusion. I’m trying to keep busy, but the second I stop, that weight comes crashing back down again. I guess time is like many things – completely in the eye of the beholder.

I’ve always been a believer that things work themselves out in the end. But my question is – Why does everything turn go wrong all at once? Is it Karma? All I could really use is for something to go right this week.

But I guess that’s hoping for too much.

So, I was listening to the Babylon podcast earlier on – the interviewee was Claudia Christian. On the show, her accent was a a neutral American accent, despite her character being Russian. She grew up with a German-accented mother and and Irish-accented father. And now she speaks with a noticeable English accent. The Americans running the show found this quite ‘odd’ to say the least.

The Americans, in my experience struggle with accent recognition, and yet are immensely fascinated when faced with someone who speaks different to themselves. There is no ‘one’ American accent, it varies by area as it does here and elsewhere. But the fact remains, someone who talks different is going to be noticed.

Perhaps it is their lack of exposure to foreign media, movies and TV? Most Americans I know only seem ever to have heard of Monty Python and Blackadder Whereas most of the television I watch and enjoy are products from across the Atlantic.

We are more attuned to different accents in this country not only because a large proportion of our population now comes from overseas in their first, second, third generations, and some considerably more than that. Add into that we are still a Commonwealth of 53 diverse nations, with soldiers from these nations still swearing their allegiance to the Queen and settling into the economic life of this country.

And I cannot discount the European influence on our appreciation of accents. Being a member of the European Union has made it easier for travel and trade to happen across borders, and we think very little of hopping on a plane to the ski slopes of Austria, or the Spanish Costa’s, or the Beer halls of Germany. Once there we are exposed to a multitude of people and cultures and languages. Hearing a foreign accent has become of second nature to us. We call our bank and we are as likely to talk to someone in India as we are to someone at home. It has become a feature of everyday life.

The more you are exposed to something, the less of an impact it has. And if you live in a country where people are less likely to travel outside their own borders and few tourists ever visit. A foreign accent is going to stand out like a sore thumb.