Embracing your Weirdness

The Apprentice just keeps getting better and better. Not in terms of the teams’ performance but because there is so much to learn from their mistakes!

Its been a very interesting few weeks. I have come to terms with a lot of my feelings and I think I’m starting to make sense of the world in my own way.

But I’ve had quite a lot of fun along the way. I’ve done tonnes of Scout stuff, applied to an International Scout Camp, helped at a half marathon, and really got stuck into every new thing I’ve tried.

And then got told I was basically incompetent at my job! Lets just say it helped me make my mind up about a lot of things. I came to the conclusion that I am bored and need to go and do something different with my life.

Its definalty spurred me on to get ready for this Army selection in a few weeks, and pretty much made the decision to apply for the international camp. It may just have been a positive experience, even though it didn’t feel that way at the time.

I think I forgot for a while that there is a positive side to every situation…. even if it is not immediatly apparant.

Anyway, I think I’m back to my old self now.

I feel really low at the moment and I don’t know why. I also can’t think of any reason why I would be?

I’ve got a great guy (who’s not too well at the moment – but I know he’s recovering so thats not an issue)

I think I’m just lonely. I need some company that isn’t my work, colleagues, not my family, and will just give me ha hug and tell me that everything is going to be ok.

Even if I don’t know what is wrong.

I know that Jeremy is one of these people who doesn’t like to be fussed over when ill, but to be honest, I feel so bloddy selfich just for wanting to see him, if only for just five minutes, that its just unbearable. And feel so damn useless its unbeleivable. But damn it I am a person too. Aren’t realtionships about compromise?

Why am I such a crap girlfriend? why doesn;t he want me? what am idoing wrong? why do I love him so much? Does he want me? Will he be himslef again soon. I miss my Jeremy. I want everything back to normal.

Most of all, I want him to be happy, and If that is something I can do that would be wonderful.

God, I sound bloody awful here don’t I!?

I just feel like I’m getting in the way of his life, abut I daren;t say anything in case he agrees and doesnt want me. what can I do.

That bastard ex has screwed me up for life”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

… roadworks, and lots of them!

Last night I drove through four differnt council authority areas. There were do many roadworks, closed roads, and signs warning of roadworks and road closures. There are a multitude of new speed limits and road crossings.

Its the same every year, in so many cases, council budgets have to be used up before the end of the tax year, causing no end of chaos in

I’ve been feeling a bit down and lonely this week. Then I thought long and hard about what was bugging me, and having got it all off my chest (and my future being in someone elses hands). I just realised how much in my life I have to be thankful for:

I have a loving family, a great guy, a roof over my head, clothes to wear, food to eat, a job that keeps the wolf from the door, and my family’s health.

There are plenty of people in the world who don’t have any of that, so what on Earth was I worried about?

… isn’t it then Cat flu?!